Do you know how many times I thought of how lovely it would be to grow old and build all my dreams with you? Sitting on a bench, sharing a view of our grand children running arounf with balloons on one hand and a popsicle on the other hand, while we sit there and looking at how happy they are. A life full of adventures and ups and downs. A life I only imagined living with you. That would have been so sweet.
I woke up in a dream, a dream about you and me when we were still “us”, just us, no one else in between. And I opened my eyes realizing it was just a dream. Remembering how we were back then. How we laughed at each other’s jokes and killed time over wooden puzzles, minds games and guitar. How we created a world of our own and promised whatever happens we’re gonna be there for each other. I missed you, I really missed you, and now I miss myself when I’m with you. If only I could turn back time and cherished my time with you even more. But everything is different now, we are not what we used to be. things happened, things that are really not in our control. It hurts me so bad to see myself crying everytime I think about the things that we could have done, that we could’ve shred and made sure we won’t let each other go. And it hurts much much worse to see you with someone else. I know I’m just hurting myself, making myself believe that everything will still work out for us in the end.
The truth is, I don’t really know what I feel right now. It feels like everybody is giving up on me, or is it me giving up on them. Which can be very surprising. I hardly give up on something or someone. It feels like I’m always in the background but never in the main frame. It feels so mad that the only man that you have loved so much that you are so willing to give up anything for, is not really someone you could call your own man. Does everything really has to come with a price?
No one could really say what’s good or bad. No one could say that. It’s how you see things, how you look at them and it’s always about the choices you make.